23:12 <%elly> I have been laughing uncontrollably
23:12 <%elly> I think it is liz's fault because she is so beautiful and I love her and the world is ablaze with light and the infinite glory of humanity


I'm lying in bed with the woman I love most in the world. I am so happy right now that words are really quite insufficient for containing the involved feelings; I feel like this and this and this and I really can't stop myself from laughing and smiling at how absurd it all is.

Now she is curled up next to me with her hand resting on my thigh and her head resting on my hip and I am so very in love.

It's nights like these when I can really, truly believe that it is everyone else.

I have a pet. I can't even really describe how this makes me feel, so I'm going to try fumbling around with words for a bit and see if anything coherent emerges.

People who are kink-aware might want to skip over the next bit

Liz and I, like many people, have a relationship that incorporates the giving and taking of power as an important component. In our relationship the transfer of power is somewhat overt - I am the dominant partner and Liz is the submissive partner (usually!) and this is the way we both enjoy it. Liz enjoys being... well, dominated, for want of a better term - having a partner that is more confident and powerful than she is. I enjoy being that partner. This isn't an (emotionally or physically) abusive relationship - the key difference is that we decided (with full knowledge and consent of both of us) that this was what we wanted, and Liz and I both always retain the power to drop that aspect of our relationship and talk as equal partners any time we like.

Start reading here, if you skipped

Recently, we... formalized that aspect of our relationship. The only useful analogy I can think of is of getting married; of intentionally creating a long-term commitment to a partner one cares deeply about. I gave Liz a collar (shown in the picture I linked to above); the collar marks her as my pet and property, and makes me her owner. I can't really think of how to describe how this makes me feel except to say that I love her very deeply and now I get to hold her and protect her in a much more profound way than I ever did before. There is something gut-wrenchingly powerful about waking up next to a sleeping person who relies on you to put order and structure and safety into her world, and seeing that she is wearing the symbol of that relationship on her neck as a way of honoring it.

I've been grinning like an idiot constantly since.

Other stuff happened recently; I'll write about it when I'm more coherent.


Aug. 22nd, 2010 01:00 pm
Life is so amazing right now.

I started work at Google (as I mentioned in my last entry); so far, it's been
going fantastically well. The work is placed almost entirely in the upper-right
quadrant of The
Flow chart
, since it's stuff in an area that I have a lot of practice in
(operating systems work) but still involves solving some new and interesting
problems. The work environment is fantastically trans-friendly and generally
accepting of my personal weirdness, and I really like all my team members. I'm
getting to the point where my social life is actually overscheduled, so I think
I'm going to have to duck out of the office MtG group.

I got class like a '57 Cadillac
And overdrive with a whole lotta boom in the back
You look like you can handle what's under my hood
You keep saying that you will; boy, I wish you would

I met a girl. A Girl, in fact. Maybe The Girl. I'm talking about Liz, one of my
primary partners, who has been teaching me how to cook and is generally a
wonderful human being, her threats to redecorate my apartment under the cover of
darkness or bondage notwithstanding. I've also been attending Mob meetings, which seems so
far like a great way to meet more interesting people; I met a person there who
gave me some useful advice about nutrition, which is important, because...

Since I last wrote, I've gone from being a vegetarian to being a vegan. This is
still proving quite difficult, and the error rate is much higher than when I was
vegetarian (it's a lot harder to ensure that something has no animal products at
all than just no meat). Still, I'm doing okay - I'm taking multivitamins, and
Liz is a marvelous vegan cook. She's been teaching me how to cook, which is a
useful confidence-builder.

Went out to dinner with my parents last night and invited them to Transcending Boundaries; Liz
and I are both going, so we thought we'd invite my parents as well, as they've
often asked for more information about transgender issues. We had a lovely time,
and I ended up going out for breakfast with Liz and her friend Nora this morning
as well.

There's a bookstore near my house which repeatedly takes my money in exchange
for books. I've gotten Zami:
A New Spelling Of My Name
, The
Well of Loneliness
, and Queer
Globalizations: Citizenship and the Afterlife of Colonialism
. These are all
really interesting and I wish I had more time to read them; I'm like 40 pages
into Zami and liking it a lot so far.


August 2015

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